EUODIA & SYNTYCHE

Women in Conflict

Philippians 3:20 – 4:9; 2:1-8

Unity is a beautiful thing!  Webster’s dictionary helped my focus on this topic of unity.  Oneness, harmony, continuity of purpose, agreement were just some of the descriptions of unity. 

Conflict is an inevitable issue in life, isn’t it?  It’s no wonder that we have courses on “conflict resolution.”   It’s not a new issue in our human race. 

After Adam and Eve partook of a fruitful tree they were instructed not to partake of, this ingredient of resolving conflict entered their relationship and it’s been going strong ever since. 

These two women (whose names we’re not certain of how to pronounce) were leaders in the church.   Leaders, in any setting, give or display a sense of guidance.  They’re to serve others in their particular area of giftedness.  In these roles we expect to see behavior that would serve to “model” Christ-like character qualities.

Paul has now written to the church leaders, and pleading with the two women to work it out, deal with the issues, find common ground and merge into fellowship and forgiveness.    Why was their conflict so critical?   From all appearance it was just between the two of them.   Why was it necessary for Paul to get involved and even have it appear in a letter?

Paul loved this congregation.  Paul loved and enjoyed working side by side with these two women in the cause of the gospel.   We’re not told what these two women’s beef was between them, but suffice it to say, it was causing a wide-spread tension.

We could allow our minds to go wild on this one, guessing what they had conflict about.  I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think it was necessarily a “big thing.”   There was an “ungodly ingredient” in the midst of all this conflict.   We can assume that whatever it was, each one was fully convinced that “she” was right.   Perhaps it was even a “personality clash.”

There have been a few meetings that I’ve attended that erupted in heated words.  Inside I wanted to scream and cry at the same time.   In the middle of one particular situation, I wondered to myself, what would happen if someone who wasn’t a Christian walked through the door and just listened to the dialogue.  To be honest, I was ashamed, embarrassed and even, at times, shaking with nervousness at the attitudes that were “on display” in this so-called Christian business meeting. 

Whatever stirred up these two women, it was building in proportion and influencing the unity of the church.  We can almost hear Paul pleading with them.  Paul had worked side-by-side with these two in the outreach of the gospel.   Both women were involved in the tension build up.

Even as I think about this situation, I’m uncomfortable.  Paul was urging these two women to “get it together” in their Christian character because a lot was at stake.   How they were handling themselves brought a tenseness to the entire church.  Paul was telling them to bring their “attitudes into harmony.”  Their attitudes were coloring the entire congregation, and it wasn’t a pretty color.

Paul speaks about their attitudes being formed “in the Lord.”  Perhaps this gives credence to the term we use now and then to “agree to disagree.”   If they would work at bringing their differences together, and yielding to each other, for the sake of the gospel, and for the sake of their testimony, harmony could be established.

Conflict is contagious and it can infect everyone.  Their rift seemed to be so strong that their effectiveness as leaders was rapidly eroding.

Perhaps they each had ideas about how to accomplish a goal or ministry.  That can happen, can’t it?   Leadership has goals, good ones, but there can be a variety of ways to reach a goal.  No one can pinpoint the problem, but can you sense that each of them may have had the idea that “it’s my way or the highway.”

In the flesh, I can almost hear Paul saying privately to them, “Get over it.”   Better yet, get over yourselves.  There’s a family involved here and these two were “determined, to say the least,” to have their own way in the matter.

This introduces a lovely quality for our consideration and application.  Think of others better than yourself and look out for another’s “best interest.”  Wow!   If we took on this attitude in everyday relationships, strife would almost cease to exist.

This would fit nicely in any relationship, marriage, family, business or friendship wouldn’t it.  Can you and I imagine what that would look like?

To get personal for a minute, we have a Canadian couple who visits us each year.  We love having them around.  They stay for one or two weeks, and we hate it when they leave.  Here’s how things go when we’re all around each other, and it’s precious to be a part of.

Each of us looks out for the other three to see how we can help and make life easier, or help out in whatever they’re doing at the moment.  After a meal, all four want to beat a path to the sink to do dishes.   I can’t start a meal without my friend saying, how can I help….and she means it.   When this couple is around, everything is almost effortless because of the “prevailing attitude” of love & care for one another.

How does this look if we were to put shoes on this one, in our relationships here and now?

Consideration comes to my mind on this one.  Just being considerate of the other person, and how you and I might “fit in” so-to-speak.  It’s bringing our personal aspirations, however lofty and God-honoring they may be, keep them in check and have a Godly perspective. 

One question we might ask ourselves is, how can I help another to grow and develop.  Adjust and yield are another two qualities.  We’re not to push our agenda to the extent we don’t consider the benefit of others.

We might have strong passions for an idea or ministry, but when we feel strongly that our passion for something is important, we need, for the sake of unity to lay it down before God and allow Him to “establish what is best and carry out His plan.”

I’ve discovered, as you may have encountered as well, that when others know we love them and are on the same team, we can accomplish much more than just having our own plans established.  It’s more important that others are shown consideration, for that builds fences towards wonderful relationships.

There’s a joy deep within when we know we’ve carried out God’s plans, in God’s way.  The greatest approval is His, and it accomplishes so much more.  As we share our concerns about issues with Him first, we can watch Him work it out……in us and in others.

Jesus modelled this in wonderful fashion.  He yielded His life, His rights, and His equality with God.  He laid them all aside to accomplish the Father’s plan.  This is humility in its highest form.  And to think He did all that for you and me is beyond comprehension.

What a weaving of truth concerning the conflict between these two women.  Paul didn’t say “Get over it and go on.”   At least he didn’t frame his urging in those words; but he wanted them to do just that.   We all model behavior patterns don’t we; displaying how to do it right and how to do it wrong.    I hope these two women eventually got it right.