HELP FOR A FRIEND – for such a time as this

Another move transpired when we moved from Arizona to British Columbia, Canada.   We were coming out of an arid area of the United States to the lush northwest where there is an abundance of “liquid sunshine.”  We hadn’t lived in this area of Canada for a number of years, but circumstances orchestrated a return to the lovely province of British Columbia.

We were attending a church and reconnecting with a number of people we met there some years before.   This particular Sunday morning it was announced that a man, in our congregation, had suffered a critical heart attack.

This couple was well known in the church and had a good many friendships they had developed over the years.  In our awareness of his condition, we, along with many others, were praying for this man and his dear wife.

Our friend had a quadruple by-pass heart surgery and made it through.  He was now in the long process of recovery.   We had heard that there were many people visiting him after he returned home from the hospital.   My husband and I were cautious about visiting them as we knew that many of their friends were visiting him on a regular basis, and we wanted to be sensitive to his need of rest and recovery. 

In people’s loving attempt to reach out, they can often forget that the person who is convalescing needs an abundant amount of rest; not to mention, the care-givers need to rest as well.  This couple is socially vibrant and they love to have people around.   That’s wonderful when you are physically up to it, but visitors coming without prearranged boundaries in place, can be overwhelming and add to the stress of the patient and the one giving the care.

Several weeks had passed, and his wife was writing beautiful emails documenting his progress so that the large circle of friends were kept up-to-date on his condition.

About six weeks had passed, and one Sunday his wife made a quiet appearance at church.   This couple and ourselves would sit in the same general area each week.   We were delighted to have a brief moment with her after the service.   We shared with her that we were avoiding coming over for a visit as we wanted to be sensitive to their need of rest.    Her smile broke into words:   “Come on over now.”  We were fumbling in how to respond, but her invitation was so compelling, we agreed.  But we would only stay 30 minutes, no more.

We entered their family room where her husband was resting on the sofa delicately covered up with a nice blanket.   We entered his presence indicating, we just wanted to say hello and let him know we cared about him.

He wasn’t up to a long visit, but in the thirty or so minutes of being together, we hoped our presence would lift his spirits.  Both he and his wife love having people in their home, and so to restrict his visits was a very difficult endeavor.

As we listened to him share about his pain and where he was uncomfortable, my inner antennas went right into gear.  I am not a physician or a nurse, but I do know have some experience in relieving tension through neck, back and arm massages.   At this moment, I just listened to my friend share his concerns.

My first thoughts were that I only wish I knew this couple well enough to offer to come a couple times a week and give this man a gentle massage treatment.  I was bursting at my inner seams to do this, but I felt restrained and just kept quiet. 

About a week later, one morning I phoned to inquire what his dietary needs could include.  I had in mind to make them a meal and bring it over.  After she shared a few things, I told her that she should expect a dinner delivery at 5 o’clock that same evening.  She laughed and said it wasn’t necessary, but I paid no attention to her comment and told her dinner was in the making.

In the short journey to their home, I had such joy in this meals-on-wheels expedition.   I entered the family room to say hello to the patient.  He seemed delighted to have visitors, but again he kept making a comment about his stiffness and unable to relax in a number of places in his upper body.   I think I prayed with him and then left them to enjoy some roast chicken and trimmings.

A few days later I just phoned to see when I could just drop over and collect my plates from the dinner I brought days earlier.  My intention was to just inquire about a good time for me to drop by their home; but I was soon to discover that “soon” was now and would be more than appropriate.

The tone of voice of this man’s wife was filled with stress, sadness, and a real sense of being overwhelmed.  I was only too familiar with the sound of a person’s state in being “overwhelmed” state.  Her tears were my invitation.    I told her I’d be over in a few hours with another dinner and that she was not to refuse my offer.   

“Lord, how can I help her?   How can I help them both?”   I knew deeply and instinctly that I was prompted to make that phone call. “Lord, show me what is needed.” 

After this conversation, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was opening doors of opportunity with this dear couple; however, at this point, had no idea of the type of opportunity that would emerge

After showing up with something for them to eat later in the day, I soon realized that this woman needed more than dinner that night.   This health situation of her husband and the new responsibilities was weighing heavily on her own heart and physique.  She was lovingly endeavoring to do too much.  She needed something, and soon. 

My arrival couldn’t have been more welcomed.  It was a bright sunny day…..and she suggested we sit outside for a while.   She began to share her heart.  During the course of our conversation, I felt free to share with her some of the things I had learned from being a care-giver myself, just a few years earlier.

To honor her, our conversation will be kept private; but suffice it to say that she needed a listening heart, personal encouragement, and a rest as well.   But this would need to be a self-imposed rest.

We talked lovingly about boundaries that she would need to set for their “recovery lifestyle” so that she and her husband could still enjoy others, but with loving limits.  

After our talk I offered to give her a massage with olive oil.  This simple little massage left her like a soft down pillow the lounge chair on their patio.  Seeing that our conversation was dwindling, I went in to see her husband.  He had made his own observation of the massage treatment on the back patio area and he wanted to join us in the experience.

He was still complaining (and rightfully so) about his stiffness and the terrible tightness in his shoulder.   We positioned him comfortably in the chair with feet up and ready for a massage.  

During the next 45 minutes he made few comments.  But in listening to the moans and awwws from both he and his wife; they were both so relaxed just like two limp noodles in their lawn chairs.    

How exciting this was to me to be allowed not only into their home, and hearts, but now, with their keen invitation, to do what I had wanted to do weeks ago.

I was about to burst with enthusiasm at this next idea, but I asked them both if this “soothing massage” would be something they’d enjoy twice a week for a while?    Are you kidding?   There was an immediate enthusiastic response from them both.

Prior to this man’s health challenge, I found myself floundering a bit after our move to this new area.   I asked the Lord if He would open up some kind of opportunity where He could use me.   The visit that day with this couple was my answer.

What a joy and privilege of getting to know this couple in a wonderful new and transparent way.   We were never meant to walk through trials alone.   And I couldn’t be more grateful to this couple for allowing me the privilege of serving and loving and joining them in this most meaningful way to them through this difficult journey.   The Lord wove our hearts together unlike never before.

This couple is doing marvelously well now, and our friend’s heart is right on course…..God’s course for His life.    I was so grateful and privileged to be a small part of God’s touch of encouragement and healing in their lives at such a crucial season.  

God loves to use people in our lives that will love, care, listen and share with us.   Walking through difficult seasons with others can be painful, for sure, but we’re to bear each other’s burdens, lighting the load if you will.   And there’s no greater bond on this earth.

Let’s keep our eyes and ears open to the pain and challenges others face.  Who knows that God might want to use us to join them in their journey.